What’s the best way to say goodbye to work colleagues?

There are many options, but not all are particularly clever.

1 Say nothing. Don’t even worry about tidying your workspace or desk. Just make for the exit, leaving the keys dangling from the key hole. Enjoy the moment as you run out punching the air  – as you probably won’t be invited back.

2 Say something. Tell your boss he’s a jerk and you hated every minute of working with him. This way you will be shown the door, so don’t worry about speeches or the state of your desk.

3 Say something. Better still say something appropriate and positive in your good bye note/ email / speech.

4 Do something and say something. If the employer wants to shower gifts on you, treat you to a meal with your colleagues or opens a tab in your favourite bar or club, dive in. What could possibly go wrong? That is unless you get wasted and say something offensive and let yourself down…

5 Do something and say something. Continue to do your job with integrity until the fat lady sings. Ensure your computer is clean of anything unbecoming, that anyone taking over your role has clear understanding of how you managed to do what you do including helpful notes and contacts etc.

Then, write an email that tells everyone how much you will miss them etc then make for the bar with your pals. You could then be subject to nice things being said about you and may get some sort of gift to mark the big day. If not, no worries, remember you didn’t leave in order to get plaudits. You left for other reasons. hopefully a better role somewhere else… Once you are sure the boss is settling the bill, relax. The next ones on him… and your goodbye conversations will be that more personal rather than formal.

6 Saying bye to every colleague personally with bear hugs and kisses is a great idea, but this is not always possible and there can be tears. Lots of them. Especially in an organisation of over 1000 staff. A courteous leaving email sent from your desk is another option and a tad more practical.

7 Top of my list and the one I’m quite likely to use myself in just under a weeks time  (Thank you God!) is the following message which communicates clearly the intention and with a limited use of words… It’s “I’m outta here!”

Hopefully you will settle on the best way to say your goodbyes, and remain in touch with those who made a positive difference to you… Good luck   🙂

Time for me to move on…

Just over a week ago I handed my notice in.

Phew, I said it. and it’s true. And it was so straight forward, my carefully researched and brief written notice was signed, scanned and emailed to the two bosses with the original entrusted to the Finance and HR guy. For his records of course.

I used email for the simple reason that neither guys were in the office and I wanted to get the message delivered pronto. I soon had responses which confirmed receipt of the message and wished me well.

Within three hours from beginning of my interview I had received the good news of a successful interview and the actual offer. Perfect timing, It really couldn’t have been any better than that. After 2.5 years looking too…

Mrs W was delighted. I was well chuffed too!

Handing ones notice in is an odd experience. What ever the reason for handing it in there’s a sense of power (albeit breifly) and the control is with you… For me it was a brief moment of exhilaration followed by relief, then joy. Joy is my overriding emotion now, a week later.

Looking back there was no moment of hesitation, no regrets or soul searching wondering if I have made the right decision. Neither was there an attractive counter offer from my current employer desperate to keep me at a highly inflated salary! My new employer had kept their word and sent across the contract of employment which was, duly studied, signed and returned within a matter of hours.

Game on

Things people say – (in the workplace)

Below are my translations of those things heard in or around the workplace. As such they really are open to interpretation…

When asked by a friend as to how you’re getting on in your job, you answer:
“It’s challenging”
Translation = I can’t tell you what I really think, it’s chaotic, and very demanding, like my superiors.

As part of a verbal job offer , the employer comes out with:
“I’ll look after you”
Translation (A) = Stick with us kid, this is the place to work. The opportunities and rewards are for the taking…
Translation (B) = This is not a pledge, so expect nothing from me. AKA You’re screwed.

On terms and conditions:
“We like to keep things fluid”
Translation = We make this up as we go along, and as such they are obviously subject to change. AKA What are ts and cs?

Boss on your salary:
“As you know we’re not the highest payers”
Translation = We pay what we can get away with and if you don’t like it pack your bags

The boss on hours:
“Some people work very long hours, you’re very much a 9 to 5 person”
Translation (A) = Some people work very long hours because we put them under extreme pressures, and they obviously love working here more than any family or social life
Translation (B) = Some people work very long hours because frankly they are inefficient and can’t manage their workloads.

Staff commenting on their boss:
“He’s an a**e”
Translation = He’s an a**e

Staff commenting on their boss:
“He’s an absolute nightmare”
Translation =  He’s an absolute nightmare

Boss on giving praise to staff
“Thanks”
Translation = Thanks

More on praise:
“Thanks, thanks very much, we really do appreciate your efforts”
Translation (A) = “Thanks, thanks very much, we really do appreciate your efforts”
Translation (B) = “Thanks for getting us out the s**t again”

On office vibes:
“This is a very happy place to work, in fact it’s the happiest place I’ve ever worked”
Translation (A) = This is a very happy place to work, in fact it’s the happiest place I’ve ever worked
Translation (B) = I am not of this world, I am actually deluded and have no interest in what others think or say. The fact that staff turnover is high is just coincidental

On leaving:
“We really don’t want you to leave”
Translation (A) =  We really don’t want you to leave – because you will be hard to replace as you’re really valued by us all. Is there anything I can do to help you re-consider?
Translation (B) = If you leave we will get someone cheaper, so no worries. What did you say your name was?
Translation (C) = Please don’t go. If you leave we’ll be really screwed

On superiors making decisions:
“Yes”
Translation (A) = Yes
Translation (B) = No or Yes, Doh, Search me.
Translation (C) = Up to you.

That’ll do for now…

9 ways to upset your boss….

1
If you do your job really well, meeting targets and hitting above your weight your boss should recognise your effort, making him the happiest person alive. Conversely it may work against you…as they may actually suspect you’ll be looking for a pay increase or other reward for your effort. Best do a bad/ mediocre job.

2
Be late. At least 15 minutes late should get their hackles rising… trot out different excuses each time, or better still say nothing and hope no one notices…

If you’re due to attend a meeting, ensure you’re ill prepared or better still, late. A Starbucks coffee in your hand will indicate your priorities

3
Another sure fire way to infuriate the boss and indeed others is to be unhelpful. You can argue you’re focussed on a task before you and remind them you are not a people person. You’d much rather bully those around you into doing your dirty work for you.  Being helpful is simply not in your nature. You are aware that colleagues of yours are under pressure but that’s their problem surely. Heard that before anywhere?

4
When problems arise, find a bucket of sand and plunge your head into it. This is the most cowardly action to take instead of asking for help, run for the hills. If you are the boss – This should pee everyone off, so you’d better shape up or ship out!

5
When something you’re involved in goes really poorly, don’t let on! Everyone around you will know you were responsible but dont let that bother you.

6
Work well, get noticed for being a real dynamo and change jobs. Preferably you will go to a competitor and can take useful knowledge and customers/ clients with you. That will be a huge disappointment to the boss…

7
Argue. Bosses don’t always know how to deal with experienced staff with questions or concerns. Some bad bosses will feel uncomfortable with you and the candid nature of your dialogue and will be prone to let rip at you. A good boss will let you have your say, then put you in your place.

8
Ask how the business is faring and trading position, along with any upcoming projects which you might be called upon to contribute to. If they squirm, and splutter you know you’ve hit gold.

9
Turn up to work inappropriately dressed. Causing a major distraction in the workplace is bound to upset the boss.

There are countless ways to upset the boss, whether that was your intention or not… Be wise.

Causes of stress at work, and some ideas to help you cope…

Here are some of the more typical causes of stress in the workplace:

• Bullying or harassment
• Feeling powerless and uninvolved in determining one’s own responsibilities
• Continuous unreasonable performance demands
• Lack of effective communication and conflict resolution
• Lack of job security
• Long working hours
• Excessive time away from home and family
• Office politics and conflict among staff
• A feeling that one’s reward is not commensurate with one’s responsibility
• Working hours, responsibilities and pressures disrupting life-balance (diet, exercise, sleep and rest, play, family-time, etc)

I’m sure we can identify with some of the above if we’re feeling a tad stressed about the workplace…. For me, there are 5 shown above which are causing me ‘concern’. If you feel similarly, it might be worth considering the following to help you cope better.

Humour
Humour is one of the greatest and quickest devices for reducing stress – where I work my colleauges and I have lots of stories to help get us through the day. Often based on our daily observations of other people or the apparent chaos around us.
Humour gets the brain thinking and working in a different way – therefore it distracts even momentarily. When a bit of harmless banter starts in the office, join in, it could be a laugh!

Take a hike!
Yes, actually leave the building. Go for a short quick really brisk walk outside – This might be a 10 minute around the block or to the shops and back…but do it.
You might not feel you have the time, (we can all make excuses) but your wellbeing is worth it! So make time! Taking a break will get fresh air in your lungs and a change of scene will help de-stress you as you change your surroundings

Drink some water
Most of us don’t drink enough water – and I mean, WATER – NOT tea, coffee, fizzy or ‘sports’ drinks, fruit juice or those awful expensive caffeine drinks.
All of our organs, including the brain, are strongly dependent on water to function properly. That’s how it is!
If you starve your body of water you will function below your best – and get stressed.
Most people need 4-8 glasses of water a day, so you get a bottle or cup of the stuff now and keep it on your desk…
A by-product of this (surprise surprise) is the need to take a wee… This itself gives you a bit of a break and a bit of exercise now and then, which also reduces stress.
If you are drinking enough water, your urine will be clear or near clear – if it’s yellow/ orange you are not taking enough water.
You do not need to buy expensive bottled water. Tap water is fine.

There.
That’s a start… I’m sure there are many other things to try. Let me know how you get on….

How to really impress your boss…

“Impress that jerk? You have to be joking”

 If your boss fits the description above, he’s a bad boss (I would suggest you start looking for a change of job so you can move on).

There really are good bosses out there, honest! And you can really make a difference. These are the bosses who do their fair share and more, they lead by example, support their employees and see that hard work is rewarded.

These are the bosses we can aim to impress. Wearing provocative clothing, flirting and showering them with affection or gifts is one way – but may well lead to disaster!  Here are some more down to earth ideas…

Do your Job, and do it well
This should be your aim, regardless of job title and the salary you are on. Firstly, turn up on time, every day or shift. Attend the meetings you’re supposed to attend, meet your deadlines, and make sure you excel in the core duties of your position. In essence, do what you’re supposed to do and more if you are able. If your boss can’t count on you to do the basics, your chances of impressing him will be negligible.

Be helpful to others
If you’re up to date on your work and a colleague is obviously struggling, think about offering to help, then do it!  This will show both them and your boss that you’re at work to get the work done, and that you care. (Whether or not it falls within your job description or not).

Take the initiative
Don’t think that just mastering the basics of your job is enough. Make sure your boss knows you’re available – eager, even – to take on additional duties and special projects where and when possible. I’m NOT suggesting you become a dumping ground for extra work – But do what you can to demonstrate that you are capable of performing at a higher level.

Speak honestly
This often where the bad boss exposes him/ herself! Bad bosses are annoyed when someone voices a different opinion or indeed any opinion! Good bosses should welcome it. Don’t be shy about speaking up when something doesn’t sound right. But don’t just criticise, seek to provide alternatives and suggestions. At the end of the day, say what you need to, then let the boss(es) make their final decision.

Find viable solutions
When problems arise, show initiative and take some time to figure out a solution. Even if it’s something you need to report to the boss, offer a suggestion. If your boss chooses a different route,  don’t worry. It’s his call anyway. Showing yourself to be a problem solver is what counts.

Take some credit
When something you’re involved in goes really well, let your boss know. There’s absolutely no shame in highlighting your accomplishments  – but don’t go overboard! (Remember to give credit where it’s due to all others involved).

If you do the above, that really would be impressive!

Fulfilled or Frustrated?

‘In due season he will honour you with every blessing.’ Psalm 37:34

I understand that there is usually a gap between a dream and the achievement of that dream. The question worth considering is whether it is a fulfillment gap or a frustration gap – for you and I!

I know I suffer the frustration gap – where I recognise that I am unhappy while i’m in it. Especially at work. The consequence is that most days I’m frustrated instead of fulfilled, and the dream (as such) stifles me while I seek to move forward toward the dream.

The difference, or gap between dream and fulfillment is a dip, which  represents the adversity we face, the learning curve,  and the hard work we must be willing to invest between conception and realisation.

Sounds easy, but it’s not. Especially when the ‘dip’ you are in seems to be a road without end…

Here are some verses from the Bible which might help spur us on. ‘Don’t be impatient for the Lord (God) to act! Keep travelling steadily along his pathway and in due season he will honour you with every blessing.’ ‘Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded…’ (Hebrews 10:35-36 NIV).

‘So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal’ (2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV).

God has promised us more than just the fulfilment of our dreams; He has promised joy in each step you take toward it.

I don’t feel particiularly joyful at present, I feel worn out, out of ‘ideas’ and lacking ‘job search stamina’.

Even so…. I won’t give up my efforts, so much at stake…

Smart thinking

Dear reader.

Every once in a while it is possible that we get what we can call true moments of genius. I am still hoping for one sometime soon.

With all this heavy rain fall, the smart thing to do would be to get a water butt, affix it to the downpipe at side of the house so we can be actively re-cycling / harnessing water as it gushes off our roof so when the dry patch comes we can tend our presently sunken garden… Maybe invest in a small jet ski boat and trailer. It could make trips to Tescos more interesting

The smart thing to do whilst we are in recession would be to continue to live out a life of thrift-iness, (?) shop around for the best deals, buy second hand (or not at all!), try negotiate charity shop prices down, lend stuff or borrow, or if possible try our green hands at growing our own and eat a diet of strawberrys, lettuce and potatoes. Maybe onions or beans too! Temporarily of course.

Another smart thing to do would be to get another job or a better job with prospects, a proper job description and an improved pay check on the 20th of each month. Easily said though.

The smart thing to do would be to reserve to do my daily book and Bible reading in the dry. Bath time is surely not the time or the place. It’s the time to get clean, contemplate, plan ahead. It is not the place to nod of and dunk the spine of the book in bubbles. A Kindle is out of question.

Most of the above are on my agenda… I even saw some water butts today, measured them and found a good location for them. Instead of taking the next natural step in parting with cash we walked away and bought some seeds and now have a garden deck area littered with brightly coloured pots. Soon to be full of floating seeds. Now we patiently await the dry season…. Regarding that four letter word, Work, my job hunt continues… steadily and surely.

My mobile phone, an essential tool in my job hunt is on the wane,the screen is knackered and dropping it on concrete yesterday didn’t help either. The smart thing to do would be to get it fixed or replaced. Thankfully those nice people at Virgin Mobile (who one can talk to after 9 minutes listening to a choice of pop or classical musak) are able to help and my monthly bills are set to reduce… Ker-ching! As my eldest son will say!

A new handset is on the cards. A Smart one of course.

I’ll get my coat…

Thinking of resigning?

If you’re seriously hacked off with your job or on the look out for a change, finding your next role in the current climate might prove tricky. But, when the time comes, there will be a few things to get in order. If you are already working, the first of these will be to quit, or put politely ‘hand in your resignation’.  Here are some ideas of how that might be actioned…

1  Wait until you are in the midst of a meeting with your bosses and when the time is right, cough a few times and tell them you need water. Leave the room, and rather than heading for the kitchen, make a beeline for your desk,  do a quick clear up, before reaching for the front door and freedom!
2  Leave a written note on your bosses desk – then scarper…
3  Send an email explaining that you had reason to leave the country immediately as you’d been found out. A consequence of this will mean you wont be back.
4  Fake your death. Risky as tabloid papers will track you down. But it saves awkward questions later at any exit interview.
5  Call your bosses into the meeting room and tell them your news face to face. Agree a leaving date, then return to your desk for the remainder of the working day. Say nothing about this to anyone and work diligently till you leave. Once the wailing of your boss dies down, go make or buy some cakes. This will be viewed as a peace offering and you will maybe for the first time in your employment be seen as a hero.
They may even make you an offer to stay. (Unlikely you will accept if they are fruit cakes)
Help formulate some handover notes and do what you can to help recruit a successor. When the big day comes, treat it like any other, work best you can, say some goodbyes and leave quickly. You will have no regrets, as you have given them your best efforts and your future employer awaits…

Of course, not all the above scenarios are ideal, you would be advised to treat this process wisely. Without causing grief for any ex-colleagues or those staff you wish to remain in touch with.
• Resign gracefully, and work your notice period (if you can) and remember you are not obliged to give your reasons for leaving, even though your employer may ask.
• Tell the staff what a great bunch they are and wish them every success for the future. Leave on a positive note, especially if you are reliant on them giving a good reference.
• If you’re leaving because you feel aggrieved in some way, after being treated poorly or unfairly, keep any comments brief and to the point even if you view your boss as a muppet,

JU5T WED

The Royal Wedding day for me (a commoner) started about 8am as the TV commentators started their trawl through the expected events of the day. As they began to introduce various dignitaries who’d obviously got up incredibly early in order to take their places at the Abbey, I ate my way through my Oat flakes topped with bananas and raisins.

At the appointed time our tele was switched off and we made our way round to friends to watch the event on their TV. Not being a great party goer myself, I was gently eased into the day with more BarBQ food, plus our very own Wedding Kate, er Cake) a glass or two of Champers and plenty of laughs and smiles. For the strenuous amongst us, there was the challenge of Croquet with its hoops and mallets. A particularly difficult sport but in my opinion.

Even though the Wedding Service itself started at 11am all eyes were on stalks as they strained to gain their first glimpse of that Wedding Dress. It was truely stunning, and everyone at our Party was equally impressed, the next oohs and aahs were reserved for Pippa as she followed her sister onto the red carpet. As one Party goer exclaimed, ‘No VPL!’ Indeed, the rear view of Ms Middleton and her shapely figure was another treat that will stay in the memory for some time to come.

As events in London unravelled and Will married his stunning Bride Kate Middleton to the tumultuous applause of earths inhabitants (or there abouts) the newspaper hacks were surely conjuring up headlines for the next editions. Who can forget the photos and video footage of the cartwheeling clergyman, that stunning dress designed by Sarah Burton or the opportunity offered by one Tabloid paper to vote on who is the ‘hottest’, Kate or her sister Pippa? Mmm. Need to think about that.

For me, the highlights of the day were being with friends once again, joining the celebrations in our own way, and seeing the happy couple drive away from Buck Palace in a classic open-top Aston Martin….

JU5T WED